Hope everyone's having a great festive season! I've put together a little video XMas card for you all (with a very special Christmas Poem). Enjoy!

The Fight Before Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas,
And all through the flat,

Not a creature was stirring,
For the pub we were at,

The pints were stacked up on the table with care,
In fear the last orders bell soon would be there,

A regular nestled passed out on the floor,
While his girlfriend looks out for a cab by the door,

My mates placed their orders, and I, like a snap,
Went off to the bar for more beers from the tap,

When from the pool table arose such a clatter,
We decided to go give the balls a good batter,

Away to the table we flew in a dash,
Popped in a pound and racked up like a flash,

The lamp o'er the table gave the balls a bright glow,
The cue ball as white, as blue-dotted snow,

When what to my wandering eye should appear,
But a pair of cue balls when just one should be here,

With a poorly aimed driver, so lively and quick,
My ball landed straight in the pint of Big Nick,

More rapid than eagles the bruiser he came,
Squared up at the table and called me such names:

"Like, Wanker! and, Mincer! and, Poofter and Dickhead!
And, Tosspot! and Stupid! and, Spaccer and Inbred!

"You lads take it outside", Bob the landlord did call.
Now bugger off! Bugger off! Bugger off all!"

As I faced down the meathead, I wanted to fly,
But though that diplomacy might be worth a try,

So up to the bar-top I subtly drew,
"Two beers, one for me, one for Nicholas too."

I soon got an inkling this was a bad move,
From Nick's snarling and growling, he didn't approve,

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
I caught sight of the glass, 'fore it smashed on my crown

So I dropped to the floor, and my head hit Nick's foot,
I discovered right then, he had caps in his boots;

And so still slightly dazed I was flung on his back,
Then he took me outside like a full rubbish sack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His leer was obscene!
My mates were like roaches, nowhere to be seen!

Nick shifted his weight and I braced for a blow,
He flipped me straight up then face down in the snow;

The dregs of a pint he still held in his hand,
Which he placed on the ground while I guessed what he planned,

He took off his belt so to give it some welly,
But then down dropped his jeans, unintentionally,

He was all on display, for briefs he had none,
And I laughed when I saw him, t'was below minus one;

The red in his cheeks seemed to settle my dread,
Before a kick to my groin and a knee in the head;

He spoke not a word, as he hurried inside,
And my friends reappeared; after choosing to hide,

They offered a hanky for my bloody nose,
And giving a nod, back off home we did go;

We sprang to the street, gave a taxi a whistle,
And away we all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard Nick exclaim, ere we drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, what a bloody great fight!"