Just when you thought you had enough time to catch your plane, another terrorist nutjob has a go and ruins it for the rest of us.

You've probably heard about the Christmas Day underwear bomber, whose aborted revealed another dangerous weapon in the terrorist arsenal: homemade pants.

We complained about having to remove our shoes for security checks after another famous failed attack, but imagine how long the queues at security will be when you have to remove your boxers for inspection. Not to mention the additional questioning:

"Did you pack your bags yourself, sir?"
"Did anyone ask you to carry anything, sir?"
"Is that an improvised explosive device in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

But undergarment humour aside, this does seem to leave us in an unfortunate vicious cycle. Another failed bombing every few years and hastily designed restrictions are put in place. Leaving us in an even longer security queue, and mentally accusing the guy sat next to us of being a terrorist based on ever flimsier generalisations. Blissfully unaware that he thinks you're a potential bomber too. 

However, we might be spared from airing our dirty laundry in public due to the arrival of full body scanners. Through the magic of electromagnetic waves, these devices can take a picture through a person's clothes.

Upside: we won't need to take off any clothes
Downside: a complete stranger sees what your privates would look like painted blue.

The demonstration photo from the BBC is less than flattering:

I get the feeling this won't so much discourage a future toupee bomber, as it will encourage travellers to stick to their January diet.

Sadly, there is now little use arguing with growing airport restrictions, as most people are resigned to the belief that we're marginally safer with them in place. Particularly as flying is now the only means of getting between some parts of the world.

Which makes me wonder if there isn't a vast conspiracy. Everything has been building to this point, with full-body scanning technology putting self-esteem and body image at an all time low. Maybe the entire war on terror was engineered by a coalition formed by the makers of Alli, and spammers selling penis enlargement drugs.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the gym.