We all know the tricks that supermarkets use to get us to buy stuff - pumping the bakery smells into the air conditioning, putting basic items really far apart, or somehow making a 1% discount seem like a massive saving. And we all know how to protect yourself from their evil machinations: don't go shopping hungry, go to the back first, wear a condom.

But despite all this, I got schooled in consumerism today. I went into the supermarket with a simple goal: buy a can of deodorant and some stamps. Instead, I left with a carrier bag full to bursting point, with such unnecessary items as:

• Apples
• Some Mikado
• A frozen pizza
• Soap
• Two cans of deodorant
• And no stamps

So not only had I been conned into purchasing a full 5 items more than I intended, I also spectacularly failed at purchasing one of the items I specifically planned on getting.

I hang my head in shame, a casualty of the relentless march of consumerism and retail homogeneity. Although on the plus side, the pizza and Mikado (apparently British Pocky) were delicious, and I returned home armed with the knowledge that the checkouts in Sainsbury's don't carry stamps, and some Nectar points.

The man behind me, on the other hand, knew exactly what he was buying: 8 packs of white bread rolls and a bottle of soy sauce. I had to assume he had other things at home, otherwise he'd be making the saddest sandwiches in history. Although they'd probably be quite flavoursome...it was dark soy sauce.